Gmanradionetwerk

Inception is not at all like the trailers made it out to be.  And this is a good thing.

As the first movie of this summer that I can actually say was really good, Inception was a whole lot more than I came expecting.  Quite frankly, the trailers looked like just another movie with lots of explosions, and maybe some subplot about blowing stuff up and buildings falling apart.  There were two things I knew about this movie before I went in: 1) there is some serious CGI going on, and 2) it may or may not have something to do with dreaming.  Maybe.  After a multi-hour theatre experience, I was pleasantly surprised to find that:  1) there was some really good CGI, and 2), every explosion had a legitimate purpose and place; as opposed to the Michael Bay school of thought, where explosions exist solely to show how much cocaine he did before making the biggest display of pyrotechnics that he could dream up.

As a note, in case you haven’t noticed, Chris Nolan is kind of obsessed with the human mind.  First there was Memento, then The Dark Knight, and now Inception – fun fact: they’ve all been great.  Dear Mr. Nolan, Please continue making movies like these, and could you somehow kill M. Night Shyamalan?  Like I said, I wasn’t expecting much from Inception, but now, every time I go to a Chris Nolan film, I will be expecting my mind to be blown.  Which, is kind of sad, because I know I know it’s impossible for him to keep this up; it’s going to be mighty hard for him to top what he’s done to this point, but I can’t wait to see what he does next.  So it’s on you Mr. Nolan – Blow my mind.  I dare you.

Future movies aside, Inception starts hard and keeps going all the way through.  And once the movie gets to the meat of plot, well, it’s unbelievably relentless.  It’s always intense, always thought provoking, and always completely stimulating.  Some movies can do this for five minutes, or even fifteen, but Nolan manages to do it for hours – nonstop.  And get this for a statistic:  Nobody actually dies in the entire movie.  Not one.  Talk about mind blowing… (you’ll understand after seeing; and yes, I’m aware this is slightly misleading, but it’s true).  Thematically, the movie poses questions very similar to Memento and The Matrix: they all question what reality is, and they all deal with how the mind interprets what it experiences.  This makes for great movies, and is typically good for a few hours of philosophical wandering with friends, but I can’t begin to actually discuss the movie without sounding disjointed and incoherent (think about the first time somebody tried to explain The Matrix to you.  Compared to watching the movie, their jumbled descriptions of it were absolutely useless for helping you actually understand it).  So I won’t even begin to try that here.

Plotwise, there are definitely some parts that keep Inception from being crazy-insanely-good-movie it could have (possibly) been.   These parts mostly consisted of spur of the moment responses that totally redefined what the movie had taught us up to that point; yet somebody (somehow) figures a solution to avoid it… in like three seconds.  So what was the issue beforehand?  Those moments really irked me, but we let it slide, mostly because Ellen Page is so adorable and Leo is the freakin man.  Also, mad props to those other guys in the movie, I don’t quite know their names, but Leo’s main man was a baller and a half (you’ll definitely be seeing more of him in the future.  Update: Joseph Gordon-Levitt).  The other major issue I had with Inception, was the unnecessarily large amount of time spent on Leo’s hidden past.  I mean it’s all well and good that the protagonist has deep-seeded issues, but in an already long movie, I felt it was just too much backstory that didn’t really add anything to the film as a whole (except making it significantly longer, and creating issues that were later solved in seconds).

Inception ends with a mind-shafting five seconds that literally made the entire audience audibly hold their breath for the duration of the scene.  Twas intense.  Don’t leave early or you’ll regret it; or, maybe you won’t; because the ending left me more conflicted than the entire two hours before it.  Inception isn’t a film that will challenge your grasp of reality, or even make you lose sleep thinking about how it ended (though I, and many others did), but it will make you wonder why they made such lame trailers for such a good movie (answer: how do you explain Inception in 30 seconds? You can’t – so, since you can’t explain it, just show a bunch of explosions – people like those, right?).  Yeah, we like those.  We also like your genius Mr. Nolan.  Please continue to blow my mind (with or without explosions).  Thanks.

At some point during my time on this earth I will invariably hate my life.  That moment may be right now, or may have been a few years ago during high school, either way, I’ll most likely hate myself the most in about 20 years – when I have a midlife crisis [due to a) settling for a non-supermodel wife, b) realizing my supermodel wife is actually really shallow, or c) not being able to con even a non-supermodel into marrying me].  At this point, depending on the amount of money I have, I’ll either bathe myself in hundred dollar bills to ease the pain or just use the equity on my home to buy a sports car and hair transplant surgery (or build a castle out of Twinkies).  Regardless, I won’t sell my soul (or a day) to Rumpelstiltskin just to get away from the rat race – like Shrek did.

The basic story behind Shrek (the Fourth) Forever After is essentially Shrek dealing with a midlife crisis, and eventually coming around to realize he really doesn’t have it so bad.  The plot is old, but it’s not bad, it’s still relevant (especially these days), and Shrek Forever After gives it an enjoyable twist.

At some point I’m sure all the head studio honchos got together in a room and decided to milk the cash cow and make a fourth Shrek movie, but they had one issue – how do you make a love story if they’ve got three kids?  They halfway tried that shenanigans with the third one, and nobody liked that movie.  So, some guy named Rick raises his hand and suggests that they create a circumstance where Shrek has to fall in love again, the whole room erupts in singing Monty Python’s Money Song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sor9GzivGbk) [starts at like 1:45].  Rick gets a promotion, and the film goes to production.   Imagine having that job, seriously, how do you become a Hollywood executive?… Rick may have the IQ of dead cow, but I can guarantee that guy can make a castle out of Twinkies anytime he wants.

If you haven’t guessed, Shrek sells a day of his life to Rumpelstiltskin to get away from his tortured existense as a father and… Celebrity/King?  I definitely feel like I can relate.  Well, scheming Rumpelstiltskin uses a loophole and essentially wipes Shrek’s life off the map.  This creates a world in which Rumpelstiltskin is now king, and in order for Shrek to get it all back he has to get Fiona to fall in love with him again.  Wow, Rick deserved that promotion.

Oddly enough, nobody in the theatre went to see a love story (ok, maybe one couple did), the real strength of the Shrek films is in the humor and allusions that make the entire audience feel like they’re in on an inside joke.  If you’re paying attention you’ll get quite a bit of laughter out of it, not sure if it’s worth an evening showing, but it’s definitely enough for a matinee (as long as you’re not there alone – like me.) where’d I put that Twinkie box…

When it comes down to it, Shrek offers an age-old moral – everybody has times where they feel the entire world has passed them by (today, yesterday, tomorrow… ).  But running away is never the answer.  Truth is, however cliché this may be, sometimes we just need a new perspective on how lucky we really are.  I’m not insisting you should give to charity, go to Africa, or chase every sunset, but every now and again I like being reminded that life is better than we often think… and that’s a good thing.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to finalize a bulk order from Hostess.

I wish Iron Man 2 was just Robert Downey Jr., sitting in a chair and blessing us all with his charm.

It is a well-known fact that every man wishes he was Robert Downey Jr., or more appropriately, his portrayal of Tony Stark.  His charisma and charm are what draws the audiences in; his smooth-talking, high class living, and glowing confidence are ten times more entertaining than every special effect in the entire movie.

So let’s get this part out of the way first, everyone already knows it, but I’ll say it anyways:  the sequel was not as good as the first.  But this doesn’t make it terrible, in fact it’s still pretty darn enjoyable and well worth your 8-10 bucks (bonus if you get to sit next to a cute girl).  There is plenty of fun Downey Jr., enough of that one new girl from legal, and way too much of that super annoying guy that replaced Rhodey.  Seriously, I did not like that new guy – at all.

The story has holes, but we’ve learned to forgive them since everybody knows Hollywood writers are just a bunch of monkeys with keyboards and special effects buttons.  More than once you’ll be caught wondering “umm what?”  But insulting your sense of intelligence is minor compared to the way Keanu Reeves would have played a better Rhodey (actually a lot better now that I think of it).

Simply put, the best parts of the film are when Tony Stark is oozing his confidence all over your popcorn and soda (wear a poncho if you hope to avoid its contagious desire to hit on the girl next to you), while, ironically, the worst parts of the film are when he is Iron Man.  The action scenes are just way too staid, the bad guys are just too typical, and that new Rhodey is just awful.  As a society we’ve come to accept things like this: same song, different chorus.  Good guy gets chased by bad guys, they wreak havoc and carnage, good guy fights hard, almost gets beat, but then uses a tactic used/learned earlier in the movie to ultimately defeat the bad guy.  As if all that in perfect order wasn’t cliché enough, he then has to go rescue his girl.  Like I said, all this is nothing new for any person who has seen a movie in the last five years – I just wish it had a sense of freshness, something new – which is what gave the original Iron Man its patented zesty flavor that made people come out in droves for the sequel.

Ultimately, the saving grace of the Iron Man series is when Robert Downy Jr. is talking.  Every truly enjoyable part of the movie is when he is spewing his silver-tongued grandeur that makes us all feel grossly inadequate and yet somehow inspired.  In the end we find we don’t aspire to don his suit as much as we dream of being a billionaire genius with good looks and a mouth that makes every girl dream of kissing it.  Or at least that’s the Iron man I’d like to see more of.

Also, if Don Cheadle ever plays Rhodey again, I will not be watching that movie.